Rules of Engagement

     I am always amazed at how quick my students are to resort to solving a conflict by physical means. I have seen them in fights that were videotaped on phones, broken up more than my share of them at school, watched them on Facebook, and even seen Instagram stills of them in action. Oh - the joys(?) of Social Media... And I am not talking about "bullying". I truly feel that the term bullying has been watered down to the point where it is almost meaningless. (Yes - there is true bullying, but not like it is portrayed in the Media.) But that is a whole different post... I digress. I am referring to fighting. Straight up throwing punches, pulling hair, kicking, slapping: fighting.
     We have spoken in the classroom at great length about the reasons, the downsides, the upsides, EVERY side of why they think this is their best option, but I wanted to know more. I also wanted them to see it from a different perspective. I mean, are there actual rules for what they do? This came up because I saw a video of one of my students fighting (in their neighborhood) with a deaf student. (*Disclaimer: I am not here to say who started it, the reason, or the outcome. I am trying to objectively look at physical altercations and how to decrease the occurrence.) Some students were appalled that he had fought with a student who was deaf. Others said the deaf student called for the fight, so all bets were off. It made me wonder what their definitions are for Rules of Engagement in their fighting arena. So, I posed the following questions:

• When is it okay to hit another person?
• What do you think of someone who walks away from a fight?
• What are the unspoken "Rules of Engagement" (street fight)?
• What are 3 reasons that would definitely cause you to fight?

     I had them write their answers on sticky notes (without names) and our discussion began. This is what it looked like.

   
     One of the things I am most proud of is how honest my kids are in my little world of behavior intervention. I have learned more about their lives, their culture, their perspective, and the reasons (real or imagined) behind their behaviors in more ways than I can count. Here are the results, and I promise - this is what they said. (Their words, not mine.)

• When is it okay to hit another person? disrespect
• What do you think of someone who walks away from a fight? they are a real man/woman, smart, making a better choice
• What are the unspoken "Rules of Engagement" (street fight)? never fight someone who is crazy/handicapped/has glasses (if they have them on), never in front of someone's mom (that's disrespectful)
• What are 3 reasons that would definitely cause you to fight? disrespect, they hit you first, spit on you

     In the discussions, I focused on defining disrespect. For them, this is paramount. One of my first posts ever was on Mutual Respect. I stand by the fact that I have such solid relationships with my students because I respect them and they know it. Do I tolerate foolishness? Oh no. I do not. But - foolishness happens. Lt's deal with it and move on. Every day is a new day. I would say 95% of the altercations my kids have with teachers in school (outside of my room) is due to disrespect. And friends, I mean to say that the adults are the ones being disrespectful in many cases. Does it excuse the behavior of the student? Absolutely not. But - when adults treat students in a way that they themselves would never tolerate being treated, the outcome is never good. Never. It takes two to argue... Just a thought. Moving on....
     We also talked a lot about the irony of the answers to the second question. I mean, they know it isn't the best choice but they still do it. It's a work in progress, friends. WORK IN PROGRESS!!!
     I thought they answered the third question in a typical manner. And truly, we have a lot of special needs students on our hall with severe mental and physical disabilities. My kids are insanely respectful and even protective of them. I do believe they mean what they said. I was surprised that they said that about not fighting in front of someone's mom. I mean, some of their mom's would even jump in (and have). Still - to the kids that even seems wrong. Thank. Goodness.
     So... did we solve the problems and I have had no fights since? No. Broke up one last week in the room and saw two more on video. But refer back to "work in progress". It still gave us all something to think about and hopefully in that split second before they start "laying hands" on each other, they might think to walk away. I'll let you know how that goes. Work. In. Progress.
     I have so much more to post, I just have to make the time. The journals in class are amazing, and I am so proud of them. I think that will be my next one. Hopefully I will get to it over the break.
     I leave you with my sweet little classroom Christmas tree.

     Merry Christmas to everyone, and if you celebrate this time of year in another way - I hope it is amazing as well.

Mrs. Beck